Ditch The Birth Plan
Birth plans are a carefully written list of preferences, hopes, and boundaries that help some women feel in control of their birth. But here’s the truth: birth doesn’t follow a script. It isn’t something we can control—no matter how well we plan.
So while creating a birth plan can be a helpful exercise in clarity, it’s important to remember that true peace doesn’t come from having the perfect list of "rules". It comes from how we prepare our heart, our energy, and our mindset for whatever may come.
We can’t predict the twists and turns, but we can shape the way we move through them. We can create an atmosphere that supports peace. We can prepare ourselves emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to meet birth with trust instead of fear. A peaceful birth doesn’t mean nothing goes "wrong." It means you feel deeply held, by yourself and by the space you’ve created. If that’s what you want, here are four ways to start calling it in.
✨ Take Radical Responsibility ✨
Whether you're choosing a home birth, free birth, or even a hospital birth, we have to take full and radical responsibility for the fact that NO ONE is in charge of this birth except ourselves. Even if we choose to hand pieces of our authority over to someone else—whether that’s a midwife, family member, OB, doula, spouse, etc.—we made that choice. That authority was ours to begin with. And no matter how much guidance or support we bring in, the responsibility for our experience still ultimately rests with us.
This can feel especially confronting when choosing a free birth, where there is no medical provider to defer to. There’s no one to “blame” in a free birth. No one to hand the power—or the burden—over to. And while that might sound heavy, it’s actually incredibly freeing.
Because when we fully own our choices, we also fully own our power.
Birth is unpredictable. We can’t control it. But we can prepare in the way that feels aligned to us. For some, that means learning everything possible about emergencies and outcomes. For others, it means deepening their trust in their body and intuition. For some, it looks like doing nothing at all and surrendering completely to the process.
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Taking responsibility doesn’t mean trying to control every detail. It means choosing what feels right to you—without expecting someone else to swoop in and take care of it for you. That might look like choosing a different kind of support team, diving deep into specific birth knowledge, or curating your environment to match the energy you want to bring into labor.
A peaceful birth often begins with this kind of intentional clarity.
🌊 Practice Trust When It’s Hard 🌊
We say we want to trust birth. But can we trust it when it’s uncomfortable? When it’s intense? When it doesn’t go how we hoped?
Trust is something we build over time—moment by moment, experience by experience. And it’s in the hard, messy moments that our trust is truly put to the test and has the chance to deepen.
No matter where or how we choose to birth, it’s important to sit with the full spectrum of what birth can bring—including loss. That doesn’t mean living in fear. It means acknowledging that death and life sit side by side, and making peace with that reality, even as we hope and pray for the outcome we desire.
If you want to birth peacefully, start practicing that peace now. Practice in the small moments. When the day doesn’t go as planned. When someone disappoints you. When you feel the urge to control, but instead choose to breathe and let go. Leaning into and practicing looking for the lessons or messages in each disappointment and annoyance.
Start small. Start with gratitude. When we root ourselves in thankfulness, especially in times where it feels hard to find something to be grateful for, we anchor into a deeper trust that everything is working for us—even when it hurts.
🦁 Be Ruthless In Protecting Your Birth Space
Who you allow into your space matters. Every single person brings energy, and in birth, that energy is magnified.
Someone can be the most supportive person in your life on a normal day and still carry uncertainty, fear, or tension into your birth space—and that can shift the entire atmosphere. Sometimes that tension isn't even about you. They could be carrying unprocessed fear, anxiety, or grief from something going on behind the scenes in their personal life—or, if they’re a birth worker, from a recent birth that didn’t go as expected. That emotional weight can unintentionally bleed into your experience.
It’s so important that everyone who steps into your birth space knows how to leave their own baggage at the door and show up fully present, grounded, and in service to your moment.
You must be honest with yourself about each person you invite. Don’t make this decision based on guilt, pressure, or tradition. Ask yourself:
How do I feel in their presence?
Do I feel safe to be fully myself around them?
Can I labor openly and vulnerably with them near me?
Do I feel confident that they’ve done their own behind-the-scenes work—tending to their spirit, processing their experiences, and showing up to life in a grounded way—so they can be the steady support I need, no matter what’s happening in the world or in my birth?
Your gut knows. Your body knows. Don’t override that sacred inner wisdom for the sake of keeping someone else comfortable. This is your sacred space. You get to decide who belongs in it.
🌙 Visualize & Embody the Birth You Desire
Manifesting isn’t about wishful thinking. It’s about alignment.
Every day, take a few minutes to close your eyes and be there. Picture the lights, the sounds, the smell in the room. See yourself moving through your contractions. Feel your breath. Feel the hands that might be supporting you. Hear the tone of your own voice as you moan or sing or simply breathe. Maybe even make those sounds.
Let yourself feel it in your bones—this birth is already yours.
But here’s the key: You don’t just see it and hope. You start making decisions now as the woman who’s going to have that birth.
Ask yourself:
How does she nourish her body?
How does she speak to herself?
What boundaries does she hold?
What support does she ask for?
What practices or rituals are part of her day?
Who/what is she surrounding herself with? (get out of those FB groups full of victim mentality)
Peaceful birth doesn’t come from luck. It comes from choosing, again and again, to return to that vision. To call it in. To become the woman who is ready for it.
Birth is wild. It’s sacred. It’s messy. It’s a portal and a transformation for those who choose to lean in and embrace it.
And it can absolutely be peaceful—when we choose to prepare our mind, our space, our heart, and our energy ahead of time.
If this resonates with you, I’d love to share a simple but powerful Birth Visualization Meditation I recorded that you can use daily. Just reach out and I’ll send it your way.
Let’s call in your dream birth—together.
Want help writing your own birth vision? Or exploring what a peaceful birth looks like for you? I’m here. Reach out any time.